Keeping up with Jones' rules

Like any healthy person, I've always hated rules. School had far too many of them, and I avoided university partly because I suspected that it would mean even more of them. Of course, the newspaper where I ended up working had plenty of rules of its own: most of them unwritten, which made life even more tricky.

Male fashion is hamstrung by rules, too. Men's magazines persist in telling us what colour belt we should wear with our shoes, what constitutes a shocking sock, how high we should hitch our trousers, and the correct way of buttoning a suit. This kind of thing brings me out in a rash.

Why, then, did I buy a book called Mr Jones' Rules for the Modern Man? (It's written by Dylan Jones, who is, naturally, the editor of British GQ.) Partly, I think, because what repels  me also fascinates me. I can't help wanting to know what the rules are, and whether I'm unknowingly breaking them. This time, however, I was pleasantly surprised. In the chapter about Style & Fashion, Mr Jones lays down a few sartorial regulations that sound fit to be busted - "no brogues after dark" being one of them - but by and large his rules are practical and easy to follow. In fact, they are not "rules" at all, but words of advice. (Perhaps "Advice for the Modern Man" didn't sound manly enough?)

For instance, I was amused to read that in hotels built before 1890, when the elevator was invented, it's best to ask for a room on the ground floor. These are invariably the plushest, because the wealthy did not wish to climb stairs. And it's probably true that by carrying an empty glass around at a party, you can look as though you fit in while remaining sober. Plus, Mr Jones' guide to deciphering the financial pages of newspapers is genuinely useful.

The drawback of such a book - particularly for the author - is that Mr Jones is inevitably required to give you the impression that he knows everything about everything. This is clearly impossible, so many of his rules are merely personal guidelines. By following his advice to the letter, you would not become the consummate modern man, but simply a pale imitation of Mr Jones himself.

I see absolutely no reason to follow his list of tunes to play at a dinner party, for example (Tony Hatch? Enigma? Give us a break!) And did we really need to know that when he is staying overnight at a private home, and is forced to use the toilet at an unsociable hour, he limits the noise by sitting down to pee?

I've met the dapper Mr Jones a couple of times in person. But after reading that passage, I don't think I'll ever look at him in the same light again. Here's an extra rule: never give too much away.

Comments

[Daily Neuvieme]

Excellent ! Surtout la chute, au propre et au figuré.

[Casper Odschild]

Great book, read it a year back, it is very funny how he gives advice on proper manors and how much to tip a prostitute in the same book!